Romney unveils plans for Gitmo getaway

Romney screams about Obama's policies

KEY WEST, FL - Guantanamo Bay is one of the most controversial locations in the world. Over the past decade the most dangerous enemies of the U.S., including suspected and known terrorists, have been detained there. They are shut off from the outside world and from a legitimate justice system, left to ponder their futures under harsh conditions no penitentiary in America would allow. Much is unknown of this prison in the tropics, but the few details that have been leaked make it a lightning rod for human rights organizations.

Obama has repeatedly struggled to shut down Gitmo since promising as much at the onset of his presidency. This has left an opening for Republican candidate Mitt Romney to tackle the issue and possibly gain some ground in national polls.


Romney seized this opportunity at an event in Key West, FL this past Monday as he spoke of the President’s Guantanamo Bay failures and detailed his plans for the site. After his introduction, Romney stepped aside in dramatic fashion as a drum roll played loudly from several auditorium speakers. The large projection screen behind him lit up with images of a breathtaking resort. The presentation, which lasted about 10 minutes, showed the once formidable landscape transform into a 15-story luxury hotel, an 18-hole championship golf course, and four oversized swimming pools that would impress even Hollywood’s most demanding divas.

“We can turn this black eye into an American success story,” said Romney in front of an audience of close to 1,200 supporters and hospitality tycoons. “Mr. Obama once again shows us that he does not understand economics or business. Why close down Guantanamo Bay when we can turn it into a money-making oasis?”

The artist-rendered 3-D designs offered a glimpse into a five-star experience loaded with amenities that could change the legacy of Gitmo forever. The plan calls for millions of federal tax dollars to go toward the planning and construction, but Romney defends his vision as an investment for America. One of the many particulars that critics question is how Romney will deal with the remaining detainees there.

“Construction will begin while these folks are still there,” Romney said confidently with bikini-clad beauties on each arm. “We will have to work out where we can transfer them eventually, but I don’t see them as being a serious threat to our guests if they had to stay. Once our visitors arrive, they’ll be thinking about their tans, not al Qaeda.”

If elected, Romney says construction could begin as early as Spring 2014. For travel packages and more visit GitmoGetaway.com.